Go-to-Gay AND Chick Lit Cheerleader: A Disney-fied District

Thought you saw the last of Jen and Keith in October? Think again! They're back today to participate in our Disney and Fairy Tales theme. Their topic is current and very clever. We'll let them take it from here....

If We Could Elect the Heroes We Want

Jen: This month the election cycle dominated our lives, and now that it is over, Keith and I would like to add our two cents worth. Inevitably, some of your candidates won and some lost, but we are on the ticket here at CLC, and bringing you our wish list of DISNEY characters we’d love to see in office. I know many of you wish the election cycle was over...that was so silly of you because when you wish upon a star… (NOTE: Be prepared to break into random song throughout the entire read).

I named my pick for POTUS, Veep and thought I’d throw in a couple of other Washington D.C. jobs too. Keith picked out some prime characters for some other cabinet positions. If this goes well, Melissa might let me pick my dream Love Boat crew! And they’d all whistle while they worked. But I digress… If Keith and I were to fill every political position available, we’d be here all day like a hanging chad wishing for someone to put us out of our dangling misery. Why? Because we like you…and you have holiday things nipping at your heels to attend to so let’s get on with the show!

Picture from Disney Wiki

J: For President, I have to go with Mufasa from The Lion King. Friends, we’d hear James Earl Jones’ voice all the time. All. The. Time! I could listen to him command a room and make proclamations from the rising to the setting of the sun in my circle of life. That booming baritone. The powerful tenor and spot on diction. Just saying the name “Mufasa” should be enough to earn this character 100% of the popular vote. James Earl Jones was meant to voice the leader of the free world.

Picture from Disney Wiki

J: My pick for Vice President is none other than Genie. We need him to balance out Mufasa as President. The serious and the satirical. Can you imagine the Laurel and Hardy comedy routine? Genie makes things happen. He gets down to the business of decision making by simply following directions. Three wishes? You’ve got it! If you’re nodding off in one of Vice President Genie’s meetings or while attending one of his public appearances, then that’s your own fault! You’d have to be on your toes because you’d never know if John Wayne or Jack Nicholson were about to make a sudden impressionable appearance. Genie on the ticket in 2020!

Picture from Disney Wiki

J: As long as we’re pretending Disney characters are running the government, this next choice seems logical if not superior. Maximus, the glinty-eyed steed from Tangled is my pick to head the Department of Defense. This is the horse you want on your side in dark alleys! Maximus is all that and a bag of oats—he follows orders better than any four-legged creature I’ve ever owned and can track down a fugitive like Walker, Texas Ranger. My golden retrievers can’t find their own tennis balls in daylight, but this horse has mad skills. He also knows when it’s time to be reasonable, shake hooves, and play nice. Yes, he sucker-punched Flynn right in the kidney when Rapunzel wasn’t looking but you and I both know Flynn is not Mr. Innocent either. And this horse can sword fight! I mean, c’mon people! Mr. Ed could learn a thing or two about diplomacy and swashbuckling from this horse.

Picture from Disney Wiki

J: Secretary of Education. Maleficent. No kid would skip school ever. EVER!
K: But, NEVER accept an apple from her.

Picture from Disney Wiki

K: Attorney General. Woody. Come on. Who else would be 100% honest and after nothing but the truth all the time? Woody would never let us down, and would always fight for equality for all. Plus, he could start all his meetings by saying, “There is a new sheriff in town.”

Picture from Disney Wiki

K: Secretary of State. Ursula, the Sea Witch. Oh sure, she is a “villain,” but she is my all-time favorite villain, so she must be on the list. Plus, the Secretary of State negotiates lots of diplomatic deals, and Ursula negotiated for Ariel’s VOICE, people. She gave up her VOICE to the woman. Ursula has skills that need to be used with Russia and Iran.

Picture from Disney.com

K: Supreme Court Justice. Elsa. OK, a spot isn’t exactly open on the Court right now, but eventually one will be available. Who better than a young, independent woman to lead us in to the next decade?

What do you think? How did we do? Who else would you like to see working in Washington, instead of at Disney Studios?

Keith Stewart is the author of Bernadette Peters Hates Me – True Tales of a Delusional Man. A native of Appalachia, he splits his time between his hometown of Hyden and nearby Lexington, Kentucky. His blog is www.astrongmanscupoftea.com. You can find him on Twitter at @Shiglyogly and Facebook at @AMSCOT (A Strong Man’s Cup of Tea). He is a regular contributor to HumorOutcasts.com and the GoodMenProject.com. He lives with his husband, Andy, and their two dogs, Duke and Dudley.

Jen Tucker is the author of the funny and true stories, The Day I Wore My Panties Inside Out and The Day I Lost My Shaker of Salt. In September 2012, she had her children's book, Little Pumpkin published as an e-book. She also blogs monthly for Survival for Blondes. She currently lives in Indiana with her husband, three kids and two dogs. You can find her at Twitter, Facebook, her blog and on her website. And in case you missed them. check out her previous Chick Lit Cheerleader posts here.