Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Debra Rogers does us a "favor"!

This past weekend I went to the opera with a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in awhile.  I was happy to have the time with this particular friend of mine, not only because we hadn't seen each other in sometime, but also due to the fact that recently her boyfriend (whom she wanted to marry) had just broken up with her a few weeks prior.  Thankfully, my friend was in good spirits.  While we discussed this breakup, the words, "I think he did me a favor" came out of her mouth.  I smiled.  Now part of that smile was due to the fact that she sounded as if she had such a good perspective on the situation. However, the other reason I smiled had to do with today's visit from Debra Rogers, the author of the memoir, He Did You a Favor.

Before writing this memoir, Debra built a successful career in the film and television industry doing script analysis, serving as a writing consultant for numerous motion picture and television writers through her company Your Best Writing Now.  She also done voice over work.

Today, Debra is doing us a "favor" by giving us the privileged of featuring her and her new book. Thanks to BookSparks PR, we have a copy of He Did You a Favor for a lucky US reader.

You can find Debra at her websiteFacebook and Twitter.

How did your work as a script analyst and writing consultant prepare you for writing He Did You A Favor?
My work experience showed me how important outlining and structure is in any genre you write. Also, how important efficiency and economy of language is – have every word count.

I also learned how valuable coaches are, so I hired a successful book coach to help me through the process of outlining and writing my initial book proposal.

What do you feel is the greatest struggle an aspiring writer faces?
The greatest struggle I’ve seen in aspiring writers is in sticking to their truth and writing from the heart, as opposed to writing what they think everyone wants, or what they think will sell.

The other struggle is obtaining credibility when you don’t have credits yet. That’s why I’m an advocate for good writing contests. They can open doors, create relationships, and add to your writing resume. Years ago, I wrote a thriller script that was a finalist in the Boston Film Festival and it opened a lot of doors for me.

What is it about writing that brings you the most satisfaction?
When I’m in the zone. Sometimes I put on music, close my eyes, visualize, and just type. It sometimes feels like I’m playing piano and composing a piece of music. Some of my best writing has come out of those moments of complete flow.

That's why I’m also a believer in “morning pages” – in writing three, unedited pages a day. When you’re in that flow, creativity can really flourish.

Of all the men you've dated, tell us about the one who did you the biggest "favor": (You don't need to name names.)
That would have to be my ex-husband, who was the catalyst for this book. He left me when I was eight months pregnant. It was the most crushing moment of my life, but it was also a time of greatest growth. We are now great friends and co-parents. It’s been an incredible, eye-opening journey. One that I just had to write about.

Do believe fairy tales make it harder for women to get over break ups? Why or why not?
I believe it makes it harder because, for example, the Cinderella fairy tale sets us up for disappointment and failure when it doesn’t turn out the way we expect. A Cinderella-minded person is not living her best life, but is waiting for a man to come along and give her a better life. And then when Prince Charming jumps ship, it can be devastating.

I’m speaking from my own experience. When I met my husband, I thought I’d found my Prince Charming. When I got pregnant, I believed my happily-ever-after was oh-so complete. On the surface, I was living the fairy tale, but underneath my self-confidence and self-worth were dying. I spent my time catering to his needs and abandoning my own. When he left, I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Am I saying that “fairy tale love” doesn’t exist? No. I’m a dreamer. I love being in love. I just believe now that Cinderella can be more of a Warrior Princess and create a new fairy tale – one where Cinderella gets the dream life she wants and gets her Prince.

And, if he eventually decides to break up with her, she can handle it better, because she's still living her best life and knows someone much better will come along.

What does the phrase "He did you a favor" mean to you?
“He Did You a Favor,” means he gave you a gift—the gift of you.

It asks the question: "What if the guy who dumped you did you a favor? That, in fact he helped you (even if it wasn’t intentional) because your relationship with him was complete and it was time to move on to someone better?"

My ex did me a huge favor. I’m now in a relationship with an amazing man who treats me like the incredible woman I am (yes, I can say that about myself now without throwing up). We just got engaged at Christmas, and I’m happier and stronger than I’ve ever been in my life.

Thanks to Debra for chatting with us and to BookSparks PR for sharing her book with our readers.

~Introduction and interview by Tracey Meyers

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Janine said...

Probably about a couple years ago, an online friend decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. It was a weird friendship anyways. She was very moody and insulting towards things that I said or did. I felt I had to be careful of hurting her feelings and couldn't be myself.

Unknown said...

When the man I was dating just before I met my husband stopped calling!

susieqlaw said...

My college best friend decided it be best if were not friends anymore as we went on with life after college in two extremely different directions...sounds painful..but ended up to be a relief. We were both at such different points in our lives that it was hard to understand each other at the time. Time heals all wounds.

rhonda said...

Highs hobo boyfriend drama!

Connie said...

When I was about 18, I had a few dates with a guy from the local military installation. He was nice but a bit "different" in that he would sing along out loud to the music when we went to a movie! I guess when his Mama found out he was dating a local girl, she came to town with her obvious money, pull and stuck-up nose and had him transferred immediately somewhere else. I never heard from him again. I laugh about it because the thought of having that witch for a mother-in-law gives me the shivers! Thanks for doing me a favor! :-)

Bonnie K. said...

I was in college. I was going out with a guy named David. I knew it wasn't the best relationship; so, he did me a favor by ending it. I didn't think so at the time but looking back, it was the best thing that happened for me. My current husband and love is also named David. LOL I have no problem with it. :)

bluedawn95864 at gmail dot com

Carl Scott said...

It never happened to me personally, at least not yet, but I've said that same phrase to friends, both male and female, and meant it. Thanks.

Caroline N said...

About 6 years ago. A long distance relationship from Chicago to New York is never a good idea. Especially when the person thinks they do not want to come home again. Definitely saved me a headache.

Anita Yancey said...

It hasn't happened to me.

bn100 said...

hasn't happened

Jilleen said...

It wasn't a person, but a company - I was laid off from Kodak and landed the perfect job. Even though I was extremely upset - they did me a favor!

Seasidebooknook at yahoo dot com

Mary Jo Burke said...

Most grateful to the guy who dumped me first. I had met my future hubby and was afraid to hurt the other's guy's feelings.

Jane Cook said...

My ex-husband...by cheating on me - again - after I'd gone home. He's now on wife #4, and I can so clearly see it wasn't "me".