We've been running a column series to get more personal with our readers. We are now getting toward the end of our seventh year!
Going along with our post about aging last month, this month we're giving advice to our younger selves.
We're always open to topic suggestions, so please don't hesitate to share those in the comments. We'd also love to know if you can relate to anything we've said or hear your own thoughts on the topic. So don't be shy. 😊 We look forward to getting to know you as much as we're letting you get to know us. You can find our previous columns here, in case you missed them.
This topic was inspired by a movie I saw this past summer: My Old A$$. It's about a girl who is out partying with her friends and comes face to face with her older self (played by Aubrey Plaza). Her older self has wisdom to share and it affects how she sees her current circumstances. I don't want to say anything more so as to not spoil it. It's definitely an interesting movie though!
A while back at my personal blog, I wrote a letter to myself to be opened in ten years (which would be 2024). It was funny how accurate some things were, especially the part about the trip to Europe!
Recently, I read Twenty Something Else (reviewed here), which is about a woman who gets to relive her twenties in any order she wants, but with the mind of her forty-year-old self. There was a part where she was telling her best friend about everything that happens in the future.
For this post, I wasn't sure how I wanted to talk to my younger self. Like how far back should I go? Twenty years? More? Less? I also don't want to tell myself to make any changes that could affect my present life. (I read too many time travel books and just know better as a result.)
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| 18 years ago |
Do I want to tell myself to avoid some relationships that may have had an impact on my life at the time but weren't worth the heartache or aggravation? Neither would have kept me from meeting my husband as they weren't connected to the people who led me to him. One is my second boyfriend in college, with whom I probably would have been friends to this day if we hadn't dated. The other is the friend who ghosted me over twenty years ago, even though I enjoyed the time we were close and told each other everything. However, I did have an impact on the life of the friend as I indirectly connected her to her husband and she wouldn't have had the kids she has now if she had ended up with someone else. So it would be selfish of me to toss that relationship out.
I would tell myself to stay in touch with one of my close friends when she graduated two years before me, as we lost so many years before we reconnected on Facebook. Thankfully we've made up for that time, but I still wish we had those years. I could also do better with staying in touch with friends I don't see on social media.
I would also tell myself not to leave a job I was somewhat unhappy at for a job that was much worse. (I didn't realize it would end up being worse at the time, but it did.) I could have dealt with some management I didn't really like that much over having to be stuck with a cell phone 24/7 to deal with stuff that was nearly impossible to manage from a distance in the middle of the night.
While there are things I regret, they also led to other good things down the road. So I can't stop myself from making those decisions knowing what could happen later on.
In the book world, knowing what I know now, I wish I had traveled to one of Sophie Kinsella's tour stops when she visited the US because that can no longer happen and she was an author I really wanted to meet.
I'd tell myself to stock up on masks, cleaning supplies, and toilet paper in the beginning of 2020.
Finally, I'd tell myself to be more adventurous. I'm still more of a homebody than I should be at my age. There's still so much I haven't done, even in the state I've lived in for seventeen years.
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| Ten years ago |
On my blog, (a space that hasn't seen action in years), I've participated in posts where I address my younger and future self, like the one I'd composed in 2012: https://momarock.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/dear-sara-a-letter-to-my-younger-self.
And then there's the post from 2014, addressing my future self: https://momarock.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/dear-sara-a-letter-to-myself-revisited.
It's funny to me that the date listed in the future post is for the year 2024, just two years ago. My oldest is now 21 years of age. The little guy isn't so little anymore; he turned 16 just two days ago.
I thought it might be interesting to re-address the blog post I'd written in 2012, considering I was the ripe old age of 33 when I wrote it. At the time, I wanted to give sage advice to my 23 year-old self, convinced I had a lot more insight into life. While a lot of what was important to me back then hasn't changed, time and age and even more living experience has put a different spin on things; less the optimistic, more the realist.
Dear 23 Year Old Sara:
Now I'm 48, newly minted this year.
Hi there. It’s me. Or should I say, you.
I’m currently 33 years old. I know, hard to imagine, isn’t it? You used to think that age was OLD. I’m here to tell you, it’s not.
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| At 23 |
Well, if I thought 33 was old, imagine how I feel being 15-years older than that!
Guess what? I’m a runner. I’ve done marathons. I eat healthy, and I actually enjoy it! I know you don’t, right now. And that’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy your life. Enjoy being young! Let me worry about keeping us healthy and youthful the rest of our life. Your job is to revel in being 23, because you can’t get that time back, ever.
Guess what? You're still a runner. You love to run. Pending any health conditions or ailments that might keep us from it, you will continue to run until your last breath on this earth. You've also picked up yoga, a pastime that arrived a few years after the original blog post was created, and you're currently pursuing a yoga certification so you can instruct others into developing a deep love for yoga. Healthy eating habits? Well, that's still there, despite the cravings for Starbucks chai tea lattes and strawberry acai refreshers, and anything sweet in general.
You are most likely going through a very traumatic period. You are dealing with some serious grown up issues. At my current age, I can see why getting married young is a BAD IDEA, but you didn’t know any better. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, and you will get through this. Don’t forget how strong you are, and how brave. You’ve been through so much in your young life leading up to this point, don’t let it be what knocks you down.
I remember that traumatic period. And you'll have others in the coming years, an ebb and flow of peace and serenity, mixed in with chaos. Looking back with even more clarity, there is no regret for me now in getting married young. It is what brought us here, to this point, and it isn't so bad. I can tell you, you will continue to hold onto your strength to get you through some tough times, but you will also allow for help and guidance, something that has never been easy for you. You will lean on your friends more than you ever have, seeking comfort and advice from safe circles.
Don’t put your passions on the back burner. As you’ve gotten older, you’ve had to take care of responsibilities that don’t allow much time for writing a novel, or being in a play. Do it now, because you won’t be able to later, and I should know. Believe me, I know.
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| At 33 |
You will be there as a constant for your children. It will be one of your most appreciated aspects of life, but it has been tough to focus solely on you and your passions. As the kids age, they will become part of your support system, encouraging you to do more and get involved more. Writing isn't happening. You haven't been in a play. But never say never. Right now, you are working part-time and pursuing the two-year yoga certification, taking care of three wily guinea pigs, spending time with your family, tending to your garden, and running. And you were wrong. You WILL be able to do it later. The older you get, the more you realize that you can still continue to pursue your interests. Never. Say. Never.
You are going to have some amazing friends who stay with you over the next decade. In fact, some of them you currently are holding onto right now, will be like sisters to you. Trust them more, and let them in. They mean well, and they love you a whole lot. Those are the types of friendships you never want to let go of.
Some of those friendships have remained intact. Some have gotten stronger, while you've had to let go of other relationships--mostly due to self-preservation. Remember how you used to say that you were a people collector? You still are, but you are more selective in who you choose to hold onto. And that's OK.
You are going to do some crazy things over the next ten years or so. I’d love to divulge more information, but if I did, you’d change the course of our life, and I don’t want that to happen. It all has brought us here, and here is a pretty good place. It might be a difficult path to get here, but there is peace. And it is worth it.
Oh yes, there is craziness. But I agree--it has been totally worth it.
And speaking of crazy… promise me that you get your tattoo. Don’t chicken out. That tattoo is a symbol for you, and it continues to be one. And, she still looks like a good girl.
You still don't have an additional tattoo, and you don't feel any guilt in that! You're allergic to metal, so unless you plan to go with a vegan tattoo that is void of metal, does it really matter if you get one? The one and only tattoo you have still looks good, with a little less color in it as the years have gone by. It's still a symbol for you; a reminder of a time in your life when you rose above the s*** and managed to come out of it with your soul intact. Your tattoos are scars--from your children, from running mountain trails and tripping on large rocks, from the skin cancer that was removed from your right cheek. They are scars from your existence, and they've become coveted and in the end, absolutely worth it.
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| Now |
What would you tell your younger self?
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