Thursday, October 10, 2013

Go-To-Gay: Waiting for Mr. Right?

Introduction by Tracey Meyers

It's been almost two years since I started managing Chick Lit Central's Go-To-Gay column.  As a result, it's almost been two years that I've worked with Gary Edwards on the column.  During that time Gary and I have had many conversations regarding the personal struggles we've faced or are currently facing.  For me, Gary has been a sounding board for things that are bothering me or that I am confused about.

Recently, Gary informed us that Wade will not be able to write the Go-To-Gay on a monthly basis.  While discussing the details of what this change meant for Wade's involvement with CLC, Melissa A. and I had an epiphany. 

It is my pleasure to announce that as of this month, Gary Edwards will be sharing with Wade yet another thing...this column!  Every other month, Gary will be sharing with CLC readers his thoughts on problems he sees his female friends encounter on a regular basis. So, if you have a problem you'd like him to address in this column, he invites you to send your questions to: (All e-mails received will remain confidential and no real names will be use in order to respect the privacy of those submitting questions.)

Please joining me in giving Gary a warm Chick Lit Central welcome! 

"Waiting for Mr. Right?"

My best friends are mostly women and I must say strong independent women who are beautiful from the inside out. When I was growing up in my early 20’s & 30’s I had listened to many of my girlfriends and gay friends wishing for the perfect guy, the one to make them whole, to make them centered and feel complete. We all fall into such a fantasy about love and falling in love. So many books and movies show us the same scenario time and time again: Boy meets girl, and then drama, drama, drama, boy gets girl after she has show how much she needs him. They make women the victim, weak and vulnerable. Even now I see this unfold over and over. I was that person who always put myself second and the person I was dating first. I never really gave much thought to what I needed and all I thought I needed was “Love.” Love really never came; I stayed empty and didn’t really work on myself. I attracted the wrong men and had a string of relationships that didn’t work. Just like in the movies I fell in love and just like life, when you fall you get hurt. It wasn’t until I worked on myself and became a strong independent person did I start finding myself observing what cycle I was in and the fact that I needed to break the cycle.

What about instead of falling in love we grow in love? I think all of my great friendships were that way; they grew into these wonderful lifelong friendships. Even friends that have come on fast and quick seem to burn out fast. I have to say when I stopped looking is when I found love and it was slow and steady. I was at a place where I knew who I was and what I was. When Wade came into my life I feel we were a great balance for each other and were both at the same place and the same time. We grew in love and grew to also be best friends.

Do things that make you happy, that make you whole. Instead of looking for that person to complete you, just be you! I have been there and have many friends who have been there, too. Depressed and waiting for that special person to come along and save them. No one wants to be a around a party pooper. The more negative thoughts you think the more that will come. Instead save yourself and value the beautiful person you are! Shine bright for the world to see. Only good things will come along the way. Be open to life and to all people, let go of judgment of what a relationship should be and be ready to experience life and all it has to offer. The fact that you are being true to yourself means you are becoming strong and independent. Be honest with yourself and remember you are growing and you can take your protective walls down. You can spread your wings. You won’t attract the same type of person into your life. So be smart but not too guarded that no one can get in.

 Gary's friends Ricki and Julie

Many people have created what they thought they were supposed to and look back and realize they have let go of themselves just to fit a mold. So if you are in a relationship and feel lost, work on you! Give time to honor yourself and also nurture your relationship. Wade and I always take time for a date night and also remember to laugh. Be sure you listen to your special someone and have them listen to you!

Last thing, if you are in a relationship and you feel you are a victim or that you did it to be just like those characters in the books or movies and aren’t happy, I give you permission to get out of it! If you need help call a friend and ask for help. You deserve more so please honor yourself!

I am a great listener and after kissing a lot of toads and now being in a committed relationship for 17 years I hope I can help. Let me know if you have any questions. Tell me what it is that makes you happy? What makes you complete? How did you find love? What have you learned about love? What is one thing you are going to start doing for yourself?

Gary Edwards is the marketing and events manager for bestselling author Wade Rouse. Edwards arranges Rouse’s tour schedule, speaking engagements as well as coordinates and facilitates his writing workshops and retreats.  Additionally, Edwards has helped market and promote all five of Rouse’s books. Edwards also has a background in hospitality, and sales as well as design. 

With his vast professional back and a love to listen and help friends he is a perfect storm of love and nurture. Edwards is Martha Stewart meets Dear Abby with a dash of Mrs. Doubtfire.  For more, please friend him on Facebook and Twitter.


Janine said...

Welcome aboard and thanks for your advice. You did a great job on the column today.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Janine XO Gary

Janine said...

You are very welcome!