By Denise De Fabio Keliuotis
**Giveaway is now closed**
I’ve never been one to have many female friendships. After reading
My Other Ex, I now understand why.
From the time I was a small girl, the bulk of my close friendships have been with males. I’ve often wondered why but usually wrote it off to the fact I grew up on a street with a dozen boys and one lone girl: me. Almost every single one of those friendships remains to this day, a time period spanning four decades. And now, it all makes sense. Friendships with males are easy. They’re straightforward. They take minimal emotional commitment and not a whole lot of cultivating. The men in my life are what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guys, and in turn, our relationships aren’t all that deep. They don’t take a whole lot of work.
But, as the editors of
My Other Ex so honestly explain, female relationships are different, more complicated.
“There is so much good, so much power, so much love, in female friendships,” they write.
“But there is also a dark side of pain and loss.” That darkness, it seems, flows from the fact “women require such an overwhelming intensity in their relationships with each other.” For that reason, the authors surmise, the ending of a female friendship is immensely painful.
The stories contained within
My Other Ex highlight that intensity, and the profound feelings of grief and loss that accompany the end of female friendships. Each essay centers around a death of sorts, the cessation of a relationship so vital, its ending has left the author mourning, often for years or even a lifetime.
This anthology grew out of
The Herstories Project editors Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger’s desire to answer the question of why the dissolution of female friendships often leave “wounds deeper than the scars left from romantic relationships,” why female friendships differ so from those of men. Not surprisingly, the editors found no definitive answer. Instead, they were merely left to wonder as to the awesome power of a female friendship – both good and bad.
My Other Ex is divided into five sections, covering the different times of the women authors’ lives when friendships blossomed and then died – and sometimes resurrected. The essays span adolescent friendships and move into adult relationships, including a special section regarding the toll motherhood can take on female friendships. Finally, the book ends with “Reflections” on female relationship breakups and the scars left behind.
Although I don’t have many close female friendships, I greatly value the ones I’ve managed to grow, and I struggle to imagine losing any of my great girlfriends. For that reason, I connected closely with the stories in
My Other Ex. The essays are well written and, just as importantly, brutally honest. I truly felt the authors’ pain emanating through their words; the emotional intensity shone through on every page. Some stories left me feeling angry ("Delilah;" "The Girl With the Pink Bow"), while others made me cry ("An Ear For Language"). Still others struck a bit too close to home for comfort ("On The Back Stoop;" "The Breakup;" "Girls, Interrupted").
Without a doubt, you will see yourself in more than one of these essays, and I’d venture to guess you’ll identify with the emotion rippling through them all.
My Other Ex will let you openly grieve the girlfriendships you’ve lost, and it will remind you to cherish those onto which you currently cling. Happy ending or sad,
My Other Ex will allow you to think about your female friendships in a new light. And it will leave you feeling happy that you’ve been willing to give at least a part of your soul to another woman, good or bad, even if for just a little while.
A huge thanks to The Herstories Project Press for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. They have TWO copies for some lucky readers in the US and/or Canada!
How to win:
Please tell us about
your other ex. (No need to give names, you can just talk about how you met them to begin with or how the friendship dissolved.)
One entry per person.
Entries without contact information (e-mail address, Twitter account, Facebook page, etc.) will NOT be counted (and we do NOT count "Google +" as contact information).
US/Canada only. Giveaway ends October 19th at midnight EST.
Denise De Fabio Keliuotis is a Chicago native who recently relocated to Middle Tennessee with her husband and three daughters (one of whom is off at college – gasp!) She’s a licensed attorney but is not currently practicing, instead spending her time writing a memoir, volunteering at a hospice, and debating whether to break down and buy those cowboy boots.
